Ella Enchanted
Ella Enchanted is a 2004 fantasy romantic comedy film directed by Tommy O'Haver and written by Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith loosely based on Gail Carson Levine's 1997 novel of the same name. Plot The movie stars with Ella, who is born into a noble family. She immediately receives a visitor: a very dumbass and obviously drunk fairy Lucinda. Of course she puts a curse on Ella so she can be obedient to assholes. Oops. Now any assnut can order Ella to do anything, regardless of whether it's dangerous or in her best interests. Ella's mother, on her deathbed, warns her daughter not to tell anyone about the curse she is under, for fear that someone might use it to exploit Ella. After her mother's death, only Mandy, the household fairy, knows the secret (let me guess does she die too?) Several years later, Ella's father remarries to a snobby bitch named Dame Olga, who dislikes Ella. Her spoiled drag queen daughters Hattie and Olive notice Ella's obedience and start to be spoiled bitches to her. Ella stumbles upon a hot Prince Charmont, the handsome heir who will soon take the throne, as he's being pursued by his fan club of besotted young women. He invites Ella to the Coronation Ball, but Olga intercepts the invitation. Hattie and Olive, fan club members themselves, are overcome with jealousy for a bullshit reason. They force Ella to insult and cut ties with her best friend Areida. Ella cant stand being bossed around by her slutty sisters so she tries to find Lucinda, as she is the only one who can reverse the spell. Mandy helps by lending Ella her boyfriend Benny, whom she accidentally transformed into a talking magical book that can show people in their current surroundings. During her journey, Ella encounters an elf named Slannen, who wants to be a lawyer instead of an entertainer as the laws now require (Yeah just imagine how many people are gonna laugh their asses off at that one). They are both captured by a group of shrek's brothers , who want to eat them. Prince Charmont rescues them and accompanies them to a wedding in the land of giants, where Ella hopes to find Lucinda. En route, Ella opens Char's eyes to the abuse of the laws oppressing elves and giants established by the acting ruler, Char's sinister uncle Sir Edgar. Char invites Ella to visit the palace's Hall of Records and find Lucinda faster. But Edgar's stupid talking snake, Heston, the royal advisor, is spying on them. At the palace, Heston tells Edgar about Ella's curse, which Hattie confirms when Edgar offers her Char's hand in marriage. Knowing that Char intends to marry Ella, Edgar orders her to murder him when he proposes, and keep the plan a secret. Edgar also reveals that he murdered Char's father (dick move bud). To save Char, Ella writes him a letter, saying she is leaving permanently and cannot explain why, which breaks his heart. She then asks Slannen to tie her to a tree and get the giants to help. Lucinda then appears before Ella, who asks her to undo the "gift" of obedience. Lucinda, being the dumb bitch that she is, is offended that Ella doesn't like her gift and simply tells Ella to remove it herself. She unties Ella, gives her a fancy dress, and tells her to attend the ball, where Char almost immediately takes her to the Hall of Mirrors and asks her to marry him. Ella is about to stab the shit out of him with the dagger Edgar provided, when she realizes Lucinda has provided the answer: looking into a mirror, she says, "You will no longer be obedient!" She drops the dagger and Char sees it. But Edgar, being the cold dick he is, is spying on them, and before Ella can explain, he orders the guards to lock her up, to be executed the following day so he can continue to be a pussy. Meanwhile, Benny informs Slannen, the giants, and the ogres that Ella is in trouble, so they all sneak into the castle to rescue her. They find out that Edgar is switching the crown Char will receive during the ceremony with a poisoned crown. Ella and her allies burst in just in time to stop him putting it on. Edgar and Heston call for the knights and Red Guards, and a battle ensues. Ella explains everything while fighting alongside Char, while Mandy manages to transform Benny back into a human. When Edgar's forces lose, Heston tries to bite Char, but gets his ass kicked by Ella, then trampled by Char's fan club. Caught trying to kill the prince, Edgar admits to the crowd that his stupid ass killed the King, but says only he deserves the crown. Then, carried away by his own rhetoric, Edgar crowns himself and accidentally poisons himself (dumb move bro). Char and Ella kiss; her stepsisters arrive and order to get her ass away from the hot prince but she refuses and tells them to fuck off. Char once again asks Ella to marry him, and she agrees: "Now that I'll do." The movie ends with their wedding and a musical number: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee. During all this, it's shown that Slannen is in a relationship with a giant named Brumhilda, Ella has rekindled her friendship with Areida, and Edgar has survived(albeit cognitively impaired by the poison). The Narrator announces two final words: The End. Category:Reviews